a special summer

now that the semester has begun and my internship is officially over i want to take this time to reflect on the importance of the great 70ish days that i spent at Special Olympics Louisiana.

my summer started off with the usual new place syndrome where you have to learn all about everything that happens, learn the codes to the copier, the acronyms that everyone uses, learn the layout of the building, the attitudes and temperaments of everyone in the office, learn, learn, learn...

as the summer rolled on great connections were made with people that impacted my life in ways that they will never truly know. whether it was morning chats about the night before or contemplations on life's larger issues there was always someone to turn to and talk to. i truly gained more of an understanding about why this wonderful people do what they do as i got to know them.

SOLA is more than just an organization, its a family. the atmosphere and environment is laid back, yet busy all at once. there are laughs to be shared but also work that is conquered with the help of one another. as events came and went i got to see how our athletes truly enjoyed the work that we did with them and for them. it was all starting to make sense.

the athletes are the reason for each and everyone's position whether it be the people planning the programs or the people making the money, everything is rooting in the joy that these athletes have when they are participating in sport. sport and our athletes are the heart of what everyone does. the reason you come in early or stay late or just simply show up everyday. its for them.

camps came and went and that is went i truly got to interact with athletes and learn patience, organization, logistics, safety, you name any real hands on lesson and that was what i took away from those long days of camp in the heat and the rain.. but no matter what it was the time for me to step out of my comfort zone and take part in new sports with new people and just get the chance to learn about the day to day activities for a person with intellectual disabilities.

my summer personally brought about challenges because of the goals that i had set for myself, but also because of the events that just occur in life. whether it was relationship struggles or just achieving a new level of openness, i wanted to tackle each obstacle i ran into or set up for myself head on. with the help of one person in particular i achieved my goal or openness and breaking a shell of simply talking about the things that matter. with that i began to realize that in order to truly lead and learn you have to be willing to give and take..

although my summer was full of great experiences it did have to come to an end and i did have to say my goodbyes.. it was a bittersweet day to say goodbye, but the people that changed my life have stayed in contact with me and are still there for me to turn to when i need them. and i truly appreciate the bonds that have been created and hope they always stay strong.

SOLA has a special place in my heart because i learned a lot from the organization but my time there allowed me to grow personally and professionally. i mean really, how many people at the age of 21 can honestly say they interned with an organization that allowed you to organize an event from the ground up, help with day to day operations, grow as a person, see the ins and outs of public relations, talk with the CEO about resumes and interviews, raise $1000 to rappel down the side of a 26 story building, fly in a helicopter, shoot a machine gun...

weddings are wonderful!!!!!

wow... my sister is married! this weekend was a blast and went way better than anyone would have expected. everyone got along, we ate, drank and were very very excited to have all the things to do and be together. and i guess now would be the time to admit that i was the ONLY person that cried at the wedding when steph came down the aisle. mom was good, norm was good, ryan was even fine but NO, i was crying like a baby... i was more embarrassed than anything... but o well, its done and there's pictures of it too...

as weird as it is to know that my sister's life is moving on its weirder to know that all of this has created change for my life. i'm living by myself for the first time in my whole life and my independence and freedom are soaring. i can do what i want when i want and if i cant sleep i can make noise and not have to worry about the possibility of waking someone up. its great!

my internship is going well and i love all of the things that i am doing. its different everyday and the people are great. the summer has had some ups and downs just in general and there have been some great connections made with some really great people because of it all.

i dont really have much more to write about

so peace for now,

casey

LiVe, LaUgH, LoVe

soo i know its been a while since ive gotten to write, but there are many things going on and theres not enough time in the day to accomplish my many tasks... another thing is that i have traded my blog time for bible time, but tonight i felt it was time to write.

the past few weeks have been jammed packed at my internship with new experiences, lessons learned, and great memories... im having a blast at my internship and its allowing me to do things i never thought i was capable or even willing to do... (check out www.firstgiving.com/caseymconnell to see the biggest personal challenge ive taken on so far)

besides interning ive been spending a lot of time with family... staying in mandeville is fun because i get to be with my memere and godparents almost everyday! its a blast because we do fun things, we go out to eat, get snowballs after dark, shmooze the book store... just simple fun things!

other than all of this i have spent a lot of time with my best friend (the big sis) and i kinda like having her back in my life.. idk how i got through last fall without her... i have also continued my journey of personal growth that started at Geaux Lead. i kinda like this new lease on life...

all the positives are happening in life and its awesome! the last positive is the wedding is in 3 weeks and it cant get here soon enough. im nervous and stressed and excited all at once. its gonna be a bittersweet moment and idk how im going to handle it all.

life is gonna change in a way i know im not ready for but im going to have to adapt to. for my whole life steph and i have done everything together and now she is starting her life and im staying here with mine. we'll see how this goes. im sure its all going to work out, its just going to be more growing and learning.

peace for now,

casey

only one...

sorry guys, my summer blog is gone so if you are looking for it you won't be able to find it...

there will only be this blog coming from me so i guess i should tell you that the summer is going great and that i love my internship. its a new experience everyday and i like the amount of responsibility and freedom to get things done.

other than that life is just life.. lots going on but im dealing with things one at a time.

peace

casey

additional blog...

so im taking some time this summer to write two blogs so i don't block my brain with the daily happenings of my internship.. so in the even that you want to keep track of that here's the URL: http://specialsummer10.blogspot.com/

whatever the reason may be i am very happy with how this summer has panned out. its been surprising, rewarding, and opening in just the few weeks that i have had so far.. there has been a lot of personal growth both professionally and emotionally and im kind of liking the person i am becoming... its nice to know that i can and will make my own choices and just make people accept this things that I want in my life.

i have finally come to realize that its time for me to be me and for me to make my own choices.. i like being semi grown-up and taking those initial steps to do what i want for my life... my parents (all of them) will just have to trust in the fact that they formed me to be what i am and hope that i make the choices i want based on the values they taught me.

peace for now.

case

when thank you isnt enough

sooo im not exactly sure how to write what is on my mind or if there is even that much to write about, but there has been a major impactor on my life recently and i am trying to come to terms with the difference that has been made in my life...

let me start by saying that in no way has my life been one of easy travels with small bumps, but with each "impossible" issue that i faced i capitalized and just ran with it. i have tried for years now to turn the hurt, broken promises, and negatives all into stepping stones across a mountain valley but now im at the point where these stepping stones have stopped coming and im just chillin in a open valley with half of a bridge... (if that makes any sense)

the biggest issue that has come into my life about all these issues just stopping here was that i was beginning to almost forget what made me the way i was... the things that formed my thoughts on most of the issues of my life.. why i always check under my bed before i fall asleep or even the order i say my prayers in the morning as i stretch in bed... its just the simple things that make me who i am but i was starting to forget them because i hadnt spoken of it in a while..

the speaking part was an issue all in itself because all though i am an off the chart extrovert i most easily described like an egg. i have a hard shell, but it breaks easily.. the break isnt a bad thing because it just opens up my heart, but like the white of an egg i like to get a hold of everything possible.. but the hardest part of the egg is that yolk.. you actually have to puncture it to get it to ooze... so see it does actually make sense to compare myself to an egg...

but anyway.. on to the reason i am writing this to begin with... like the title of this post says "when thank you isnt enough" i am having trouble letting my impactor know truly how much they have done for me... really she was like the key to what i need right now... it has been a long time since i talked about anything that truly mattered to me, but for some reason this awesome, beautiful, caring person has made her way into my life and right at the forefront of my heart..

i havent actually spoken to someone the way i spoke with her in a very long time and i finally feel like there is meaning in the things that i am doing.. for most people that know me there isnt much i wont say, but for this person there isnt much i cant say... i can share my heart, my thoughts, my fears... it was all there and i was okay with it...

i dont really know how to thank this person because to them all they did was listen and just care, but to me it was like an opened door, a new way to feel about life and a new understanding of myself... its nice to know that there are good people in this world that even thought they might not have had the best life they play the cards they are dealt and still put that hand out for other people.

i know you will read this and this truly isnt what i really want to say to you, but it will do for now.. im going to wipe my tears and head to bed now just thanking GOD for putting you in my life at this point...

peace,

casey

why speak if you're not heard?

im at a place now where people ask for your thoughts but really they just want you to go with what they want... whats the point in even asking if you don't want my opinions, thoughts or ideas... i dont get anything from it except being shut down and that gets no one no where...

like really... if you are going to override my every thought im not going to continue on. i am usually a person that can just carry on through the trials and tribulations, but when i get shut down, turned off, and not listened to im just gonna give up and thats where i am right now...

im in shut down mode.... and this is no good for me or the people around me

the times are changing

as the week rolls to an end theres a lot to think on.. a lot to just soak in..

i turned 21! yes, im legal... but more so the drama that came with it was ridiculous.. it makes you want to truly know the people that you surround yourself with. i think now that you really dont have to like or respect your family especially when they turn there back and talk about you... there should be nothing in this world that comes between you and your family but when they drive the nail what are you to do. in the grand picture of life we are supposed to just forgive like Jesus did. Turn the other cheek like when Judas kissed Jesus... i dont think i am that powerful or prayerful of a person to just forgive when the going gets tough. i offer the hard stuff up to GOD to get the through and he never fails, but whole heartedly i can't just accept the hurt and move on... WWJD? just go with it, move on, FORGIVE...

i cant seem to just be like Jesus and FORGIVE, i need the time to wait out the thoughts and mindfully contemplate the hurt. i know what the answer to my "what should i do prayers are?", but more so i want to know if Jesus was here walking what would He REALLY do... every human on this earth has the power to forgive right away but there is no way that every human does it that way. its hard to see around the hurt even still, but i know in the bottom of my heart that i will forgive, just with a less open, altered relationship...

lets see... altered relationships... that called for some awkward moments at Steph's grad! yep, steph graduated on friday from LSU and it was such an exciting, proud, celebratory moment of not just the parents but every one of us. i was proud to say that my sister graduated and was FINALLY an alum... my time is to come shortly and she honestly said the other day that she cant wait for me to cross the stage and for US to experience the new phase of life together. it was nice to see that she wants me to actually be an active part of her new life with ryan (and eventually babies!!) i was happy to see that she wasnt planning on just going on with life without me as a part of it...

being a part of my siblings lives is important to me because there are no other people in this world that love me the way they do. the fights and frustrations turned into great friendships... our shared joys and sorrows made us an unbreakable force formally know as "the gang"! our lives are all moving in different directions, one to Dallas, one to NOLA, one to Virginia.. and here i am in the good ole Baton Rouge pedaling along to get away from here... i want to go far but not too far... i want to have that "gang" to fall back on and have around for holidays...

moving on is part of life and there is nothing we can do about it, but the gang will stay together no matter what and where and how hard it will be... we are that group that was formed by 2 great people and we owe it all to them!

peace for now....

casey

footprints

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts.

And we are never, ever the same.”

i have been thinking a lot lately about the people that matter to me in my life. the people that make me keep going, help me through the hard stuff and join in all the fun. lately I have had the opportunity to trust in and talk to a new person and its nice to have that go to person especially with life going the way it is.

when life is just not going the way you want it to a simple conversation matters. just the simple "how was your day?" means the world to me when im in a a fog or not on my game...

its hard to admit it but im not perfect and to have those people to run to really helps. they don't judge they just listen and understand and take it all in. but the hardest part for me is the sharing. im not one of many personal words its mostly all surface stuff. i can express myself much better through words or art... its hard for me just to spit it out because its so raw and real that i don't want to see the reaction of someone that cares so much about me. its hard to see a person hurt for you when all you want is them to be there to build you up.. hence my locked up, been boarded for years emotional chest that is thousands of miles away from my thoughts...

its not gonna be easy but im taking the steps to be more open.. to be more aware of what my past brings to my future and how that no matter what the baggage is there is someone that has it worse than i do. in no way was my life easy but every trial i walked through has lifted me higher today and eventually will raise me up to do great things

peace

casey

summer of something

as friends have already begun their adventures to other countries or finish up packing in the midst of their finals i find myself in a rather odd place. i have plans for the summer.. an internship, a job, a wedding to finish planning and stand in, life decisions to make... but is this summer really going to mean something?

there are people that are serving others at awesome locations across the country, some just experiencing life in a whole new way, and some going off to these grand places for internships and jobs and fun... but here i am stuck in the BR making plans for daily travels to Hammond and nights in Mandeville with occasional weekend trips to Monroe... but there's nothing exciting, nothing is life changing, nothing is truly sparking my interest...

i know its things that i have to complete to get out of school and move on with life, but why didnt i take this last collegiate summer to travel or serve or spend time at home with the family i love so much?

it really makes me wonder if something or anything for that matter will be worthwhile this summer...

i guess we shall see soon

peace,

casey

???

as i have a few moments in my day to just sit and take in the beauty of my college campus, i make my way to the greek amphitheater to take in the smells and the sights of my campus i adore so much... this semester is coming to a close and i have to say that some of my best moments here in college have come from these past few months..

lets talk about the change.. the semester started with steph engaged to ryan getting married in a year and soon turned into a race against the clock to get it all done by this june... SG elections took up most of my time, but brought me new friends that help me to grow in so many ways i don't really understand it yet...

my junior year is wrapping up and i have grown into a more mature self confidence young woman of GOD... my junior year as a whole, both this spring and the past fall have brought great change to my life. the most noticeable is the weigh loss and confidence gain, but more so i have made new friends that see the good that i do and appreciate me for all that i am.

i have these moments were i stop and ask GOD why He planned it out this way. why he waited so long to bring old friends back into my life to cheer me on and help me out. i wonder if we would have always remanded friends if we would still be learning this much from each other? i wonder why its taken me this long in my college career to want GOD as a part of my and get that relationship i used to have back.

its been a lot of change, old friends are gone but replaced by new friends, lasting friendships still holding strong... new classes and new faces, a blog that inspires me to just say what i feel and not keep it all in, a young beautiful spirit that reminds me to take a breath and just have fun...

there have been some negatives too, loosing friends because of my change, loosing sight of my faith because i got so caught up in the why and how and the everyday, but for all the negatives the positives trump ten fold.... there are no regrets except for the few times i could be giving more of myself than i was, but we all live and learn and do better next time...

peace,

casey

good friends? nope, GREAT friends!

spring break is over and its a quick jolt back into reality with a book to read for a test and a research paper due in just a few days... it will all get done i know, but im still in spring break mode so its gonna be an interesting week..

the break was nice, besides the actual surgery part its been nice to see who really cares and makes an effort to check in on you. its really cool to see the people come out of the wood work to comfort you and just talk (or type) to you when you lonely bored and miserable.

i have to say the truth comes out when something serious goes on.. you know whos got your back and who doesnt...you know which friends are true and which are fake.. its hard to realize sometimes, but for me i am pleased to say that most of my "friends" have my back. its nice to know the real ones from the fake ones... honestly: when a friend checks in on you when they are out on the beach, at home for the first time in months, serving others miles and miles away or simply too busy to handle life you know they really care...

its been nice to see all the caring loving spirit around me and im interested to see how far it goes from here.. i know the break gave most of us time to just sit back and have conversations about life, about GOD, about whatever might be on our minds, but are your true friends really just the ones that sweep in at a time of need or do they stay around for the ordinary stuff... if they can pull through when you need them, but not come around when the MTWTFSS routines are in play is it really a good friend?

peace,

casey

who you foolin'?

its april 1st and the only thoughts on most of my friends' minds is what jokes to play and what pranks to pull, but for me im just trying to decide what i want to do with the month of april.

its a fresh start, a new beginning, a chance to create some change. do i study more? go to all my classes? visit different churches? talk to new people? get involved in an org? what to do with the next 30 days....

im making changes in life for the better these days, so i want to make april count. ive been listening to what i call "jesus jams" (AKA christian music) and its making me realize that i can't do this life thing all on my own. i need to just give GOD a chance and go with it.

the hard part isn't letting go, the hard part is knowing when to let go. ive lived a life of hurt, pain, and sorrow but i try to make it all positive in the end. if i can't see the good in the bad, i wont get anywhere an i wouldnt have any friends. i understand that GOD is a constant that is good to have in life, and i want so badly to have him here, but i dont really know where to start.

with easter around the corner, i planned to be taking a trip to serve for my spring break but medical reasonings have kept me from being able to go. i want this to be the jump start to my "new" phase in life, so now i have to find a way to kick off this new life for GOD while im home on the couch with ice packs and stitches...

its gonna be a struggle, so maybe this is supposed to be the lesson?

peace,

casey

rockin tha W

so elections are over (as of tuesday) and the disappointment of the loss (as of wednesday) is almost gone. its only been a day since we got results, but its a quick rebound when you have to get back out there to support the other one you want to win.

the past few weeks have been an unbelievable experience and i am proud of all my old friends, new friends, and new old friends, that came out to support and work so hard for our ticket. the journey really was the reward in my book. really if it wasnt for all the people that worked so hard, campaigning would have been boring, and the journey wouldnt have been worth it.

we went the distance to make ourselves known and do our best. we didnt go out without a fight and a strong finish. there were our obstacles along the way, but as a group we faced them and overcame them. within the last few days, we got this really cool swag to wear and campaign in. we wore those Ws with pride and even walked campus with them. o how great it was before the results came out!

just a word of thanks for everyone that supported us, wore blue, donned a sticker, campaigned, and voted! we (as a ticket) appreciate all the effort... it just didnt happen to come out the way we wanted. we have picked up and moved on and are looking forward to bigger and better things.

peace,

casey

when the world is falling

the great words of a song that has gotten me through a lot these days is "Safe" by Phil Wickham. at this point in my life im gonna honestly say that i am not as close to god as i wish i was or as i have been and i feel the hardships that i have been dealing with are even harder because i dont have that solid ground. my heart aches for that relationship back, but its harder than ever now to get that focus back in life. i have a new old friend these days that has a strong foundational faith and i envy that. i commented about it but didnt elaborate on it because i dont know exactly how to put it that i am jealous of her relationship with god. i wish i had that and i am open to suggestions about how to get my relationship with god back. i feel like this friend has a purpose for coming into my life at this point in time, but i dont really know what it was but i think it has something to do with getting me grounded again.

my world is crashing around me and life is hard these days. although i have the friends for support i feel like i could make my life easier if i could let go and let god, but right now in life i have a void up that i need to handle. addressing this issue isnt going to be easy to resolve, but i can't handle life the way it is so the foundation is were i think i need to start. when everything in life is falling apart i have the friends to fill the missing parts, but i need the internal relationship to be truly fulfilled and happy.

now, ill leave you with these lyrics that are starting my "new" relationship with god:

To the one whose dreams are falling all apart
And all you’re left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own
But you’re not alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging sea
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong and never let you go
No you’re not alone

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart you will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise
So hear Him now He’s calling you home
You will never be alone

These are the hands that built the mountains
The hands that calm the sea
These are the arms that hold the heavens
They are holding you and me
These are the hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
To break our chains and set us free

Safe in His arms, safe in His arms
Safe in His arms
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

A special thanks to mw for giving me this song. i need these words at this point in my life.

banded for the better

as you can see by the title of this post im feeling pretty good with the decision i made to get my lapband.

its been 160 days since my surgery and each day has brought new challenges and thoughts... at the beginning i thought this was the worst choice i had ever made. i couldn't walk or stand for long stretches or even really sit up for that matter but i new i was doing this for a better life.

these past couple weeks have really made me see how well i have progressed and how happy i am with my new lease on life. at minus 50ish lbs i can run a mile, walk campus, and smile brighter! my life is different now. people complement me and that boosts my confidence even more.

my lapband has helped me to realize that food doesn't have to rule your life. that you dont need a whole pint of chocolate ice cream or pack of oreos when you're sad, grab a hershey's kiss or fun size m&ms and just feed the minor craving. its the simple things i have learned that have made this whole process easier.

the hardest part about the whole thing has really been accepting the change and getting over the fact that none of my clothes or shoes fit. its been an interesting journey... with lots of support and lots of obstacles, but no matter what i have the "home team" that helps me through.

new years recap

so new years was a great event for my whole family... ryan proposed to stephanie so now i have a "future brother in law." kinda creepy? i think so!

i never really could picture the day when something so special would happen, but after finding out ryan was planning this special event, i realized he was the one for her.

i am proud to say that i will be the maid of honor in my sister's wedding and i plan to do a very good job with that title. we have many parties to plan, colors to pick, and yes, we even have to find a DRESS that i will wear with a smile.

even though 2009 was a rough year for me, i made really big changes in my life. i basically created my future plans, leaving out parents and reality, but none the less, i have a plan. i got an awesome internship for the coming summer, and i lost about 35 pounds. it hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been hard either... i've taken it one day at a time and just worked through it all... but now im on to the year of 2010 and im so ready to conquer it.

i know that the road ahead will be easier for the then the road i have already walked and i am glad that i see that now. there are many people in my life that daily remind me of how awesome i am and how i really dont need to be anything more than what i have already become, but that is not enough for me. i want to great things with my life and that means, making not always the best choices, but the choices that work FOR ME!

its time for me to take life by the horns, do what i want, become what i vision myself to be and just go for it. i have one year left in college and i want to make it count. i want to be apart of my community and understand what makes me bleed purple and gold. i want to be able to wake up in the morning with a smile and lay back down with a mind full of memories.. i want to make this year count. not spend time on people that dont matter or just hurt me, but spend time with the people that raise me up and understand me without having to really talk to them. its time for me to just pull back from my trusting ways and just be me...

New Year, New You

today is the 4th of january, not the first of the year, but close enough... i've been thinking lately about what i want this year to be, and to be honest: I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

i have 361 days of 2010 left to define this year. think i want it to be a year of change. a year of self discovery? healthy living? peace of mind? who really knows whats going to happen, sure i can plan for one thing, but will it really end that way? i know that in 365 days, in the year of 2011 i will be a college graduate, i will be an ideal weight and i will be on my own for life.

so 2010 has to be a great year. the last year of college, the last year under your parents insurance, the last year to be stupid and free. so i have to make it count.

there are just a few things that i really want to accomplish before i am out of college so i guess i have one year to get them all done.

• travel to california and touch the pacific ocean
• i want to meet a boy and maybe even date
• i want to find a hobby that is new: like photography, play a musical instrument, etc.
• i need to finish some art projects i started
• take the SG student bus trip again
• finish my goal to the total weight loss i desire

thats just about the whole 2010 bucket list... its time to get started, but for now i just have to go one step at a time.