LiVe, LaUgH, LoVe

soo i know its been a while since ive gotten to write, but there are many things going on and theres not enough time in the day to accomplish my many tasks... another thing is that i have traded my blog time for bible time, but tonight i felt it was time to write.

the past few weeks have been jammed packed at my internship with new experiences, lessons learned, and great memories... im having a blast at my internship and its allowing me to do things i never thought i was capable or even willing to do... (check out www.firstgiving.com/caseymconnell to see the biggest personal challenge ive taken on so far)

besides interning ive been spending a lot of time with family... staying in mandeville is fun because i get to be with my memere and godparents almost everyday! its a blast because we do fun things, we go out to eat, get snowballs after dark, shmooze the book store... just simple fun things!

other than all of this i have spent a lot of time with my best friend (the big sis) and i kinda like having her back in my life.. idk how i got through last fall without her... i have also continued my journey of personal growth that started at Geaux Lead. i kinda like this new lease on life...

all the positives are happening in life and its awesome! the last positive is the wedding is in 3 weeks and it cant get here soon enough. im nervous and stressed and excited all at once. its gonna be a bittersweet moment and idk how im going to handle it all.

life is gonna change in a way i know im not ready for but im going to have to adapt to. for my whole life steph and i have done everything together and now she is starting her life and im staying here with mine. we'll see how this goes. im sure its all going to work out, its just going to be more growing and learning.

peace for now,

casey

only one...

sorry guys, my summer blog is gone so if you are looking for it you won't be able to find it...

there will only be this blog coming from me so i guess i should tell you that the summer is going great and that i love my internship. its a new experience everyday and i like the amount of responsibility and freedom to get things done.

other than that life is just life.. lots going on but im dealing with things one at a time.

peace

casey

additional blog...

so im taking some time this summer to write two blogs so i don't block my brain with the daily happenings of my internship.. so in the even that you want to keep track of that here's the URL: http://specialsummer10.blogspot.com/

whatever the reason may be i am very happy with how this summer has panned out. its been surprising, rewarding, and opening in just the few weeks that i have had so far.. there has been a lot of personal growth both professionally and emotionally and im kind of liking the person i am becoming... its nice to know that i can and will make my own choices and just make people accept this things that I want in my life.

i have finally come to realize that its time for me to be me and for me to make my own choices.. i like being semi grown-up and taking those initial steps to do what i want for my life... my parents (all of them) will just have to trust in the fact that they formed me to be what i am and hope that i make the choices i want based on the values they taught me.

peace for now.

case

when thank you isnt enough

sooo im not exactly sure how to write what is on my mind or if there is even that much to write about, but there has been a major impactor on my life recently and i am trying to come to terms with the difference that has been made in my life...

let me start by saying that in no way has my life been one of easy travels with small bumps, but with each "impossible" issue that i faced i capitalized and just ran with it. i have tried for years now to turn the hurt, broken promises, and negatives all into stepping stones across a mountain valley but now im at the point where these stepping stones have stopped coming and im just chillin in a open valley with half of a bridge... (if that makes any sense)

the biggest issue that has come into my life about all these issues just stopping here was that i was beginning to almost forget what made me the way i was... the things that formed my thoughts on most of the issues of my life.. why i always check under my bed before i fall asleep or even the order i say my prayers in the morning as i stretch in bed... its just the simple things that make me who i am but i was starting to forget them because i hadnt spoken of it in a while..

the speaking part was an issue all in itself because all though i am an off the chart extrovert i most easily described like an egg. i have a hard shell, but it breaks easily.. the break isnt a bad thing because it just opens up my heart, but like the white of an egg i like to get a hold of everything possible.. but the hardest part of the egg is that yolk.. you actually have to puncture it to get it to ooze... so see it does actually make sense to compare myself to an egg...

but anyway.. on to the reason i am writing this to begin with... like the title of this post says "when thank you isnt enough" i am having trouble letting my impactor know truly how much they have done for me... really she was like the key to what i need right now... it has been a long time since i talked about anything that truly mattered to me, but for some reason this awesome, beautiful, caring person has made her way into my life and right at the forefront of my heart..

i havent actually spoken to someone the way i spoke with her in a very long time and i finally feel like there is meaning in the things that i am doing.. for most people that know me there isnt much i wont say, but for this person there isnt much i cant say... i can share my heart, my thoughts, my fears... it was all there and i was okay with it...

i dont really know how to thank this person because to them all they did was listen and just care, but to me it was like an opened door, a new way to feel about life and a new understanding of myself... its nice to know that there are good people in this world that even thought they might not have had the best life they play the cards they are dealt and still put that hand out for other people.

i know you will read this and this truly isnt what i really want to say to you, but it will do for now.. im going to wipe my tears and head to bed now just thanking GOD for putting you in my life at this point...

peace,

casey

why speak if you're not heard?

im at a place now where people ask for your thoughts but really they just want you to go with what they want... whats the point in even asking if you don't want my opinions, thoughts or ideas... i dont get anything from it except being shut down and that gets no one no where...

like really... if you are going to override my every thought im not going to continue on. i am usually a person that can just carry on through the trials and tribulations, but when i get shut down, turned off, and not listened to im just gonna give up and thats where i am right now...

im in shut down mode.... and this is no good for me or the people around me

the times are changing

as the week rolls to an end theres a lot to think on.. a lot to just soak in..

i turned 21! yes, im legal... but more so the drama that came with it was ridiculous.. it makes you want to truly know the people that you surround yourself with. i think now that you really dont have to like or respect your family especially when they turn there back and talk about you... there should be nothing in this world that comes between you and your family but when they drive the nail what are you to do. in the grand picture of life we are supposed to just forgive like Jesus did. Turn the other cheek like when Judas kissed Jesus... i dont think i am that powerful or prayerful of a person to just forgive when the going gets tough. i offer the hard stuff up to GOD to get the through and he never fails, but whole heartedly i can't just accept the hurt and move on... WWJD? just go with it, move on, FORGIVE...

i cant seem to just be like Jesus and FORGIVE, i need the time to wait out the thoughts and mindfully contemplate the hurt. i know what the answer to my "what should i do prayers are?", but more so i want to know if Jesus was here walking what would He REALLY do... every human on this earth has the power to forgive right away but there is no way that every human does it that way. its hard to see around the hurt even still, but i know in the bottom of my heart that i will forgive, just with a less open, altered relationship...

lets see... altered relationships... that called for some awkward moments at Steph's grad! yep, steph graduated on friday from LSU and it was such an exciting, proud, celebratory moment of not just the parents but every one of us. i was proud to say that my sister graduated and was FINALLY an alum... my time is to come shortly and she honestly said the other day that she cant wait for me to cross the stage and for US to experience the new phase of life together. it was nice to see that she wants me to actually be an active part of her new life with ryan (and eventually babies!!) i was happy to see that she wasnt planning on just going on with life without me as a part of it...

being a part of my siblings lives is important to me because there are no other people in this world that love me the way they do. the fights and frustrations turned into great friendships... our shared joys and sorrows made us an unbreakable force formally know as "the gang"! our lives are all moving in different directions, one to Dallas, one to NOLA, one to Virginia.. and here i am in the good ole Baton Rouge pedaling along to get away from here... i want to go far but not too far... i want to have that "gang" to fall back on and have around for holidays...

moving on is part of life and there is nothing we can do about it, but the gang will stay together no matter what and where and how hard it will be... we are that group that was formed by 2 great people and we owe it all to them!

peace for now....

casey

footprints

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts.

And we are never, ever the same.”

i have been thinking a lot lately about the people that matter to me in my life. the people that make me keep going, help me through the hard stuff and join in all the fun. lately I have had the opportunity to trust in and talk to a new person and its nice to have that go to person especially with life going the way it is.

when life is just not going the way you want it to a simple conversation matters. just the simple "how was your day?" means the world to me when im in a a fog or not on my game...

its hard to admit it but im not perfect and to have those people to run to really helps. they don't judge they just listen and understand and take it all in. but the hardest part for me is the sharing. im not one of many personal words its mostly all surface stuff. i can express myself much better through words or art... its hard for me just to spit it out because its so raw and real that i don't want to see the reaction of someone that cares so much about me. its hard to see a person hurt for you when all you want is them to be there to build you up.. hence my locked up, been boarded for years emotional chest that is thousands of miles away from my thoughts...

its not gonna be easy but im taking the steps to be more open.. to be more aware of what my past brings to my future and how that no matter what the baggage is there is someone that has it worse than i do. in no way was my life easy but every trial i walked through has lifted me higher today and eventually will raise me up to do great things

peace

casey